Making A Gentle Decision

Many years ago, I stopped smoking.  No nicotine patches, no hypnotherapy, no group therapy, no Alan Carr programme or any other programme.  I just decided one day that the following day would be the day. 

I gave up easily.  I didn’t eat more, in fact I did a de-tox at the same time.  I didn’t have any cravings to speak of and now many years and no relapses later, that decision has so been accepted at an unconscious level that not only does it seem impossible to me that I ever smoked but the mere idea of having a cigarette is anathema. 

How did this happen?  I think I was able to easily stop smoking because I made what I call “a gentle decision”.  For me a gentle decision is one that is decided upon in a light manner with importantly, an absence of overthinking.  

Many times in life, we hamper ourselves by overthinking; bearing down on an idea or the need to make a decision in the most creative and negative of ways.  I am as guilty of this as anyone and can come up with the most compelling worst-case scenarios.   

All this does of course is narrow down our focus of attention so we can no longer bring our full resources to bear on the matter.  Added to that, we feel bad.  Our light is dimmed.   

Making a gentle decision does not mean making ill-judged or impulsive ones.  It means acting on our sense of what feels right to us without getting in our own way.  It means not loading decisions with so much weight that we feel incapacitated or make ourselves ill with imaginings of unknown outcomes.   

We can load even the smallest of decisions in this way.  How many times have you thought about doing some exercise for example and then hummed and ha’d about it until you end up not doing it then berating yourself later for it?  We’ve all done that.  With other things too.  We could though just think “I’ll go for a walk now” and go. Or “ I’ll go to the gym now” and go. 

Alternatively, we could say to ourselves “I should go to the gym.  I’m not sure if I can be bothered.  I’m a bit tired.  But if I don’t go, I’ll feel bad about it tomorrow.  Oh, never mind.  No.  I’ll go. I don’t feel too motivated but I should go.”  Phew.  You get the picture.  This kind of scenario, which we all experience, is a downer.  So much energy expended but negative energy instead of the lighter and potentially uplifting energy of the gentle decision.   

May I suggest also that the gentle decision is a more empowering one.  You are making a clear choice.  Your best self is in charge.  

I am not saying that we can always make a gentle decision about everything.  Sometimes our past conditioning is so strong that despite our best intentions, we can’t move out of the overthinking or negative feelings.  Sometimes that is because of unresolved issues from the past.  Situations where you were ill-equipped because of youthfulness to deal with them that have left you needing to protect yourself.  Then we might when triggered in the present, be almost pulled back into the past.  That is where therapy comes in.  The opportunity to unblock those stuck places and allow the resulting relaxation of your bodymind to give you more access to your inner resources. 

I think it’s an idea worth trying though. See how far you can get with it.  Experiment with it.  Try it every day.  Try it on going to the gym if that is an issue for you.  Try it on only having one piece of cake instead of two.  Try it on making that phone call.  Try it on deciding to catch up with someone you haven’t spoken to in a while.  Notice how it feels too to do these things without overthinking them.